There is no background information on any of the ships to be acquired (which are all appropriately uninteresting) and there is no real reason or drive to continue playing other than to enjoy the satisfaction that comes with shooting down twenty fighters in successive waves and four capital ships while Sulu chimes in with the occasional, 'Good shooting, pilot' and 'Another wave of fighters is approaching.' Beat that dead horse! It was either necessary or decided by force that music would not be Trek at all - a terrific plan if you're into wacky beats that shift from arcade background tunes to that stuff the local pornographer has looping endlessly through his demented head.Įven when provided an infinite well of fiction from which to draw people and things and actions, the developers decided to include absolutely nothing of substance. Instead of beginning with hails and the prerequisite attempt at peace that Star Trek necessitates, we also just find ourselves shooting at Klingons and anything else as soon as it shows up. Vessels, be they Constitution Class, Excelsior, Miranda, or Klingon Bird of Prey, all appear vastly underpowered and way too small. Unfortunately, he is about as Star Trek as Star Trek: Shattered Universe ever gets. He can somehow propel his lifeless voice through the air by maneuvering his lower jaw up and down, but that doesn't change his complete worthlessness. Still, the incompetent bastard is somehow capable of coherent speech, however dry and monotonous it is. His only non-ape attributes are his nearly immovable jaw and his less-animated-than-Pinocchio-before-he-was-instilled-with-life demeanor. (He could also be from Chimp-ton, the nearby town.) Captain Puppet Monkey sports a massive brow, cheeks Skeletor would fear, and one of those fat grass eating monkey-mouths. Sulu appears to be a happy resident of Ape-opolis, the prominent city in Planet of the Apes we cannot remember the official name of. They are quite awful in that loveably laughable failed art project sort of way.

Interspersed throughout the game - after every mission and often before every other - come cutscenes. This is great because Captain Puppet Monkey can't use his state-of-the-art starship to do anything but die miserably.

Repeat this process while wiggling the roll stick and you shall be unstoppable. Even frequently obliterating the title's capital ships five at a time requires little more than thrusting toward an opponent while holding down all fire buttons - only letting off the phaser burst long enough to launch a torpedo - and then reversing away while still holding all fire buttons. If you are prone to convulsing, you might have trouble playing through this one. It is necessary throughout the title's 20 or so missions to shoot and kill many things, but this is no more challenging than depressing buttons with fingers and keeping the analog sticks relatively taut.

Play involves the application of exactly zero skill only because our effort determiner does not plummet into the negative.

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